People sometimes ask what's with the moniker? Why, it is an international conspiracy ofcourse! My secret organization has spread its tentacles all over the world, ensuring my global domination.
Since my plan is flawless, let me flaunt it.
I've assimilated certain key industries in to my organization. By exploiting these channels, I can expand my control over all aspects of daily life.
What could be more innocent than floor underlayments? Think again! Floors are everywhere... you're standing on one right now, aren't you? It is true our products offer outstanding sound deadining qualities, it's because we capture the sounds and... that isn't even half of it!
Disconnecting people. Listening, learning. Key to power. And let me assure you, we didn't go with Nokia simply because it was too obvious a choice. Avoiding obvious choices is important in conspiracy business.
Every serious conspiracy needs some needles, and not only do we have them, but they're the latest patented technology! I must add that in our context "safe" means "does what it's supposed to do". Excellent for extracting and injecting various liquids...
Covert operations are sometimes necessary, and what better transportation for some night time raiding than an inflatable rubber boat? Ours are top-notch, we use them all the time.
Nasty chemicals are often used by less scrupulous conspiracies. By controlling filtration we can not only protect ourselves, but also control the exposure of others to various substances...
Oh, and they really are great for RC cars too.
We all eat, after all. Well, you do anyway. Controlling what people put in their mouths is of vital importance to any conspiracy. Some might say it's a cheap shot to start with people who would put anything in their mouths, but hey, world domination requires a lot of hard work! Lots of trucks to load, boxes to move, holes to dig...
Sadly, publishing is not that important anymore from world domination point of view, but it's a nice sideline. Besides, we've already subverted Edgar Rice Burroughs, we got to keep up the tradition and try to give new minions a chance. After all, we can't keep thawing the guy every two weeks.
Today, pop stars control more listeners than politicians. And guess whose output we control... Besides, the politicians were far too easy.
We need lots of stuff. And it doesn't hurt that we supply parts for lots of other people's stuff too...
Hey, when I say global, I mean global!
Far more effective than publishing books. Conspiracies do not discriminate, we embrace and assimilate everyone equally. Some members are more equal than others, though.
Yes, yes, we said we were going to take over the lingerie industry, but we're working on it. It's only a couple more feet up.
The software industry. So elusive, yet so very much in my grasp.
World domination is by definition global, so lots of stuff to move around.
This is dangerous business, you know. It's important to give potential assassins plenty of targets.
Always important to have new blood in the organization. After all, we have to find a good use for all those syringes...
People get strangely attached to their pets. But never fear, as an equal opportunity conspiracy, we warmly welcome even house pets and domestic animals to join in subverting their masters.
Well, we can't always keep everything firmly under control. But what's important is damage control. Rest assured, small hiccups like this are not going to hinder my total domination.
Wait! There's more:
Why am I telling you all this? Because no one will believe you. As I've shown above, my worldwide organization is hidden in plain sight. If you go around suggesting these are all somehow connected in a nefarious plot to take over the world, everyone will just think you've totally lost it.
To have an international conspiracy blatantly advertise its existence on the Internet of all things is just patently absurd. It just can't be true! These things are not supposed to be on the yellow pages.
Back to my homepage.